Tour of Vatican & St. Peter’s Basilica

June 30, 2018

Am I really here? Is the question I am contemplating while in Rome, Italy. I am overwhelmed with the vast amounts of people from all over the world, who have come here, for all sorts of reasons, under all sorts of circumstances. My ears are filled with the sounds of cultural voices; those who are simply earning themselves a living and those who are simply experiencing. I am swallowed whole by these crowds and I feel quite uncomfortable walking through doorways and extensive hallways down stairways and up. I feel claustrophobic, amongst all of the humans; moreover, I feel at peace as I glance at the massive pieces of art, as I recall our Lord’s journey and resurrection. I feel at ease knowing that my husband and son are with me every step of the way in this journey to the Sistine Chapel.

St. Peter’s Basilica, Vatican City: Born and raised a Catholic in a small, rural area, located near the seashore, who would of thought I’d ever have the opportunity to receive the Sacrament of Penance at St. Peter’s Basilica? Not me, that’s for sure. But as my husband, son, and I took in all of the sights within the walls of St. Peter’s vastness, we came across an area reserved for prayer only. I had noticed a sign upon entering this quiet, roped off space, that the Vatican City priests were offering Penance. I asked Sawyer if he wanted to go to penance with me and he sweetly denied the opportunity. As we sat down in the first row, I was trying to catch an understanding as to how one was to receive the sacrament; as what order I should follow. As one person came out, I gauged closely at where the next sinner would be coming from. And si, it was as simple as standing up and walking up to the priest, kneeling and seeking forgiveness. I immediately stood up, with all due respect, upon the exiting of the person before me. I struggled for only a slight moment as to recalling the order of this specific sacrament and as to which driving sin inspired me to participate. I kneeled down and began: “Father forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been a long time since my last confession.” I could barely see the attending priest, but his words and intent were quite clear. I continued to ask him, “Father, how do I teach my children without being too judgmental? Often I find myself teaching them life’s lessons by judging others and using such judgements as to teach my lessons.” The priest explained that my question is most noble. That my role as a mother is most important. That the term I had used, that being “judgmental,” is to be left to our Lord. We are not to judge one another, as we are not all knowing. Our Lord is all knowing, therefore, is able to completely understand and comprehend each one of us; everything that makes us who we are. He said that just like the honeybee attracts with sweetness and vinegar is not so appealing, we must learn to give sweetness and love to our children. He said that in today’s world it is most difficult being a mother. However, only by being sweet, loving, and kind can I teach my children about life. Only by my example, can I show them a good, healthy life. Therefore, there is no reason to teach by judgment, but continue to teach my children by way of example: living a life filled with love and sweetness. Father prayed over me and gave me his forgiveness. He added that for my penance I say one Hail Mary, three Our Fathers, and one Act of Contrition. I was overwhelmed with emotion when the priest called me noble and when I received his prayer. Tears fell down my face; tears not of sorrow, but of contemplation of the gift of being a mother; moreover, the gift of being Sofia and Sawyer’s mother. I pray for continued strength and direction in this journey, so that I may teach and lead them onto life’s paths with the most knowledge for them to choose love over hate; resilience over despair; light over darkness.